| hey everybody...life has been interesting over the past month...Krzys has ceased to speak to me...why i couldn't tell you...but i've kept busy...infact...busier then normal...i haven't had a down day till today...and even today i had plans...they just got kinda mixed up...i joined the radio station...i'm a co-host on my friend avi's show...tuesday nights from 10pm till 2am...the web site is www.wsia.fm you should check it out...other then that...things are just normal craziness...this morning my grandmothers cat lost her mind...turns out she's attacking everyone and they called the animal control center...someone's going to have to come down and put the cat to sleep...i feel really bad...i still remeber picking her out at the shelter...but what is one to do?...i'm bored out of my skull...and it's only the first week of summer vacation...i'm going to die...anyway |
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| well what is there to say...life is ok...i don't know if i'm liking it as much as i did...change is decidedly bad...for me anyway...because it seems everyone else is still happy...why can't anything ever be easy...http://www.bmezine.com ...go there it's really cool...ummmm...tonight i'm supposed to hang out with adam and watch dawn of the dead...which should be nice giving that he actually shows up...i have class till six...i hope to catch a nap somewhere in there...i'm sooooooooo tired...and i have some dumb presentation to give in class...well lets all pray it goes well i need to pass this class...spring break is coming up yay!...ummm...i'm taking brian out on sunday for his birthday...cause my favorite cousin deserves some fun on his 19th...probably go out to dinner in the city and a show or something...or just dinner depending on how expensive we go...last night i had a very good meal at carmen's...the food kinda sucked but the company was great and i thank them for coming...well anyway i think maybe i'll ummm i don't know surf that web site i mentioned |
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| well people here i am...about to head into a midterm i plan on failing..i haven't gone to classes in a week...i think i'm getting scared to leave my house there is just too much crap to deal with....i'd rather curl up in bed and have my friends curl up with me..then have to leave to see them...although knowing some of the heartless people i know i'd get a 20 minute visit about once a month....::sigh::...on a good note...someone was kind enough to put my head bangers ball cd in the lost and found and when i came in today i got it back! Yay!!....got it playing right now....krzys wants to see a movie tonight so i'm going..but he invited like half the planet...(so i called shot gun)...and he invited panos (WHO IS CREEPY!!!  )...and he doesn't get out of class till 9 so we have to wait so krzys can pick him up...and all i can think of is how all the restaurants are going to be closed...(weel all the ones we want to eat at)...i'm not in the mood for indian tonight...so i suggested shanghai...but he want's to go to duzzo's...when it comes to the difference between the two of them i couldn't tell you so i don't care either way but they area all going to close!! before we get there...bah humbug....however it is still snowing and that does still suck...bLaH!...hoping natalie will bring my evanescense cd to school today....:-\....she's had it forever...but who am i to complain.....at least i told krzys what was bothering me finally it feels so good not to have to worry about telling him but he hasn;t done anything so it still hovers in the air above my head...i had a very violating visit to the "woman" doctor last night...had to get my prescription refilled so i had to go in....but i have another seven months until i have to go back....and i don't get any of the really nasty stuff till i'm sexually active...so right now i'm kinda happy just being me...haha...if only someone other then him knew....::sigh::....i'm so fustrated...but i guess that's all for now... |
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| i'm so confused i don't know what to think or say anymore....all i know is i just feel like puking...just curling up in a ball and retching till i have no throat to retch through because it's been burnt away by my own stomach acid...then i want to just cry and cry till i utterly dehydrate and die...i really find it hard to keep living...the reasons just become less and less...and farer and farer away...i have so many things i need to tell people but i can't do it because i'm a giant freak who has no courage to do anything...and so i can't sleep at night thinking about everything that's messed up...and if i do fall asleep all i dream is nightmares..that i wake up out of crying...maybe i should just revert back to the way i was in high school...not leave the house unless i absolutly have to...which means for work and school...stop calling people to hang out...turn down offers to go out...stop washing my clothes so i have excuses...(and so i can live in my pj's)...it would just be so much eaiser to tell people what was wrong...but i'm too scared of change..because that gives me just as many nightmares as not telling people...except after change there is a waking and sleeping nightmare that i must live in...i live during the day with the knowledge that i've screwed over my own happiness and at night my mind does what it wills with that knowledge...why can't i just die already... |
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| hello friends...if that's who you really are?!?! ::raised eyebrow::...last night went into the city in a snowstorm to watch the last samurai...got home like 2 ish....anyway today was wayyyyyy too stressful...it started out ok...incessant phonecalls woke me up this morning...but what else is new?...laid in bed for a while got up ate breakfast...lingered in bed yada yada yada...invited chris over to sit out the storm....watched cartoons till he got here...he got here and slept...while i watched more cartoons...got up around sixish and headed out to starbucks...spent some time there...rented the nightmare before christmas and came home...get home (chris didn't stay he went back to his house)...my dad yelled at me for an hour solid...(why didn't chris stay )...finally he decides to decorate the tree...but it's speed decorating...as we are putting on the lights the string runs short the tree falls over numerous times...i know i've forgotten to mention the fact that my tree's trunk is shaped like an S...grrr ...finally it's time to put the ornaments on my dad heads over to go out and shovel me and my sister start putting on the decorations...needless we get half of the antique ornaments up and the tree falls into my face almost crushing me the ornaments and everything underneath it...the stress rises to an all time high...my sister strokes out and starts screaming and cryin while i have to hold up this heavy crooked ass tree...she goes screaming upstairs to her bedroom while my dad moves the tree around...after way too long and my arm going numb the tree stands again...hoorah...you would think anyway...we (as in me and my beloved sister) refuse to put the ornaments back on in case it's stabily is the same as that of the minds in my family...so now we have a crooked but standing tree and it has light's but no balls...haha...and i just got a call from chris he's coming back...YAY!!!...COMPANY!!! ...so i am going to go find pants because i'm not wearing any and i need to be when he arrives...tata |
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another link to the halls of insanity's teachings
